Neutropenia... and optimism

Sorry for being so pessimistic last night - it seems I have a regressive gene in my makeup that dates back to prehistoric times, when everything is worse and scarier after dark. I just hate to see my little girl suffer, and my primal father instinct takes over. I felt like lashing out at those who are helping her, because they are also making her sick! People who know me know that I'm not much with the blind faith thing. But I do have faith in science, and to a lesser degree in medicine, and although the medicine is currently what's making Millie sick (it ain't the cancer, it's the chemo) I have to have faith in a scientifically proven outcome. Statistics don't lie. And the statistics point to a highly favorable chance at remaining cancer-free for life with this chemo regimen. I just have to remember the mantra, "There will be good days, and there will be bad days."

But I'm much better now, because Millie is better! I suppose it was seeing her in the hospital today being her charming self, smiling, laughing, making jokes at daddy's expense, taking me on a tour of the facilities with her I.V. tree in tow, coloring, drawing, reading, and... EATING! After work I gathered up some things for Millie and her mama's second unplanned overnight in the hospital, including some white rice and chicken nuggets (the kind shaped like Mickey Mouse's head). The most important items in my care package were jammies for mama and soy sauce & ketchup packets for Millie's meal. And she ate! Not like I've seen her, obviously, but more than she has in days. The mouth sores are better, her fever is gone, and her white blood cell count is back up. Neutropenia is defined as a count less than 1,000. Severe neutropenia is defined as less than 500. When Millie was brought in yesterday her count was 40.

When a person is neutropenic they become lethargic, feverish, develop ulcers of the mouth and are unable to fight off the simplest of infections. Millie has a private room for this reason, and has to wear a mask if she leaves the room. Unfortunately Laura's cot is still hard as a rock. We'll find out tomorrow if Millie had any kind of bacterial infection and what her white blood cell count is (it has raised to about 170 last we checked, and it shows in her spirit). If she's above 500 again she can come home. Cross your fingers!

UPDATE: Laura just texted me: "Millie said 2day was a good day cause daddy was here."