At the hospital on Friday, Millie handed me her bear in frustration. "My hair is falling out all over the place and it is so annoying!" I took the bear and started what was to be a 48 hour exercise in repetitive motion as I constantly plucked and pulled strands of hair off of pillows, pajamas, Bubby the Bear, and, of course, Millie.
Her hair had begun to dreadlock as the hair falling out tangled and matted around the live hair. By Saturday evening (after a lovely shower in the hospital) she was wearing a matted helmet. I fretted and regretted- should I have cut it short to begin with? Did I preemptively ruin the healthy hair? Brian had suggested getting her a pixie cut early on, which would have eliminated this dreadlock drama. She was against any hair cuts at the time- but perhaps I shold have pushed. As she grew more itchy and annoyed by her hair, I repeated "I will cut it off when you are ready".
In any case, she could no longer tolerate her itchy hair fiasco by Sunday evening and told me I could cut it. After dinner (she ate very well today!!), as we enjoyed a family movie night, I cut all the matted hair away. She has very little left, but she is amazingly beautiful none the less.
I will post a picture when she is ready to be photographed, but I tell you- her beauty shines through. Her smile and shining eyes radiate and she is truly beautiful, even with her hair in patchy, close cropped, shambles.
Millie had a good day today- eating well, playing with her brother, cuddling with her daddy and playing some games with me.
* I should mention that Millie is NOT happy about her hair. She has cried over it many times saying "it's not fair". We hold her and agree- and tell her how beautiful she is, and show pictures of other kids with cancer so she doesn't feel alone. And of course, repeat over and over "it will grow back".
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I was wondering when this moment would come and you are ALL handling it with such amazing grace, and potent honesty, and beauty.. as you are handling whatever each day brings you. And with each that passes, you are moving closer to the finish line: HurRAH! You touch my heart. You guys and Millie simply have no idea how inspiring you are in spite of yourselves. Sending our love. xo Shawna
ReplyDeleteWhen this started and we knew that Millie losing her hair would be a reality, I remembered when Bob shaved his head 11 years ago...everyone was stunned at how bright and blue his eyes were...they seemed to pop out of his head! Millie is a beautiful girl, and I'm not surprised that having her face so prominent makes that even more obvious!
ReplyDeleteShe's lucky - she truly has a gorgeous head. She didn't get that from me - I look ridiculous with no hair. Can't wait til it starts to grow back and we can play with cropped and pixie cuts. Even though she has beautiful hair she also makes a very convincing punk rocker!
ReplyDeleteShe's beautiful with or without hair! She's just showing a new side to her beauty - her gorgeous smiling eyes will be even more evident now, and as your friend mentioned above, it's just one more step towards the end. It sucks true enough, but you guys are handling it with such love and compassion and support, that she will somehow learn to endure this-just like everything else. Good job guys, hang in there. xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear she is eating and feeling better. Millie's beauty is within and it shines through her beautiful eyes, the hair has nothing to do with it, but I can certainly understand why she is feeling uncomfortable and frustrated. Ella wanted to find out if the hair she donated to locks for love (she cut 11 inches off in Sept) could be made into a wig for Millie...she would love to see her when she is up for a visit. Love to all of you.
ReplyDeleteJen
Hi Millie,
ReplyDeleteI wanted you to know that I too lost my hair last year. If you can remember I wore a lot of hats!Something the doctors and nurses told me when I had cancer is if your hair is falling out or gone then the medicine(chemo) is working and doing it's job. The medicine is getting rid of the cancer and that is what we ALL want! We will have to get you some great hats!
All our love and prayers, Lisa, Chris, Livi and Caroline :)
... bald is beautiful! Less distraction for a face so lovely and spirited. Rock it Millie!! Ed.B.
ReplyDeleteI am simply in ah of this entire situation. Through this blog you both have illustrated Millie's many incredible dimensions leaving much to contemplate. What inspiration! Shine on Millie. kjf
ReplyDelete