Tough Day

Millie's leg is worse today- she could really not walk or stand, and has been whimpering in pain all day. Last night she woke me up at about 2am as she wanted to sleep with me in the upstairs bed. I gave her some childrens ibuprofin in the night, and tried to sleep with her. She is not the easiest bedmate, as she tends to migrate over to my pillow and flop limbs over me. I remember when she was an infant, and we were "nesting" in that same bed upstairs for her first 8 weeks- I used to experiment with her, placing her about 2-3 feet from me in the bed, and see how long it would take this little swaddling to inch over to me. In about 20 minutes, she was nestled against me- without ever appearing to move.

In any case it was a rather sleepless night for all (Brian woke up to find me gone and the childrens' door wide open, Millie's bed empty, and was quite worried).

I talked to the nurse in the morning and expressed my concern about the pain, and how I didn't understand how this pain would subside when surgery for treating the tumor was months away. The nurse said that after even the first chemotherapy, the tumor will shrink considerably, as should the pain.

Of course, the first chemotherapy is 9 days away (they moved it to Dec 30) and Millie is in such pain now. Nine days ago she was still running around the playground. What will happen in 9 more days?

(Not that we're eager to start life with a chemotherapy patient- there is so much to do to prepare the house and ourselves- and we've got this little thing called Christmas in the middle. We just hate to think of that tumor growing and growing with no treatment starting for weeks after first diagnosis)

We did get a perscription for Tylenol with Codeine and picked it up this afternoon. It seems to be helping now, as she can walk and isn't crying.

It seems that people in Petaluma are aware of her condition- either through friends, this blog, or maybe seeing me carry her through the rain on Kentucky street today. It is sort of a relief- but also it is hard to talk about in front of the kids- as Griffin and Millie are sort of on a "need to know" basis on the details and severity of her diagnosis. We try to stay upbeat and positive, while acknowledging that our future will be one of many hospital visits to fix her leg.

Today it was very difficult for us to stay upbeat. Brian and I are torn apart seeing her in pain, and we're so overwhelmed by the next 9 months.

On the other hand, we had some supporting calls, visits, and emails from neighbors, old friends, and loved ones that always keep us going.